User blog:DancePowderer/706 Abridged

How do you handle disappointment? By making fun of it.

Cover: Granny is sleeping with someone trapped in a square!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the bad one, distant, and cruel one, he is the dream that keeps you running down! Everyone please dig through the ditches and burn through the witches and slam in the back of my dragula for BARTOLOMEO! This guy is one bad dude. He is Roche Braziliano with a video feed, folks!

Bartolomeo: Go to hell!

Audience: Fuck off!

Bartolomeo: I'm da bomb, so have a ball!

Audience: Run! A children's toy!

Bartolomeo: Your cowardice disgusts me.

Dagama: You know you're supposed to get the crowd to like you, right?

Bartolomeo: Who needs'em?

Announcer: As block B gets underway, I have another dude to announce! This pirate takes ass-kissing to phenomenal levels. Going from serving Doflamingo, to Doflamingo using the guy's own crewmate to kick his ass, this blond former speed addict is back with a vengeance. After bribing his way back into the other blond guy's good graces by giving him a friggin' gold pillar, this guy has become the go-to subordinate for teaching a lesson to anyone who dares talk smack about the Donquixote Family. Please, give it up for the Bomb of Dressrosa, the man who always has a spring in his step, Bellamy the Hyena!

Attendant: The infirmary is over there. Walk if you can, crybabies. Leave the stretchers for those who actually need them. If your leg's broken, too bad! You got two, don't you?

Luffy: The scarring seems to be more mental than anything.

Bellamy: It's amazing how no one but me can recognize you. It'd be impossible for me to forget your face. You were the guy who ruined me. But all that has changed. As you can tell by my sunglasses, I'm a bigshot now. Shortly after I was disgraced, Pirate Hollywood picked me up and now I'm a producer.

Luffy: So what are you doing here?

Bellamy: I've kissed up to Doflamingo ever since I was young. That just shows you what kind of childhood I had. My parents played a really active role in my upbringing (this is supposed to be read sarcastically if you can't tell). After you defeated me, I did some soul-searching and found my way to Skypiea. I lost a lot of people on the way there. It changes a man.

Luffy: I heard that you left like 20 corpses in Jaya before you left.

Bellamy: Ahahahahaah! 20. Hahahahaha.

Luffy: So, what did you do in Skypiea?

Bellamy: Fucked shit up, that's what. Anyhoozle, no hard feelings, okay?

Announcer: If this dude wins, Doflamingo promised him a job! Is this a quiet reference to the messed up job market? I don't know. But heeeeere's Bellamy!

Cavendish: Blond asshole thinks he can hog all the attention. Lucy, what block are you in?

Luffy: Crap! I just knew this! Damn...Gimme a minute.

C Block: Those six guys from before, a French bandito, what appears to be an actual bull, some dude whose name is supposed to be Hairudin (go Redbeard!), and an okama in training.

D Block: A mummy, a thinner Brownbeard, the self-absorbed D'Artagnan looking lady killer guy, a dude with a mustache wearing a leopard skin named Meadows, possibly a subtle Spyro reference, another animal, this time a lion, the only sex appeal in this tournament, a pyromaniac competing for the Mera Mera no mi. I officially want him to win now and realize his dream, like that necrophiliac who got elected coroner. We also got Lip Doughty's ugly sister, some chick named Acilia, and another guy from before.

Ref: And now, the group people actually care about...but before that, lemme state some obvious rules. You lose if you fall out or die. Only one person can remain.

B Block: The king from before, some fuck named Bluegilly, another dude named Tank Lepanto, Abdullah (turns out everyone's a racist!), the Twilight rookie, that guy Ricky, the blond bouncer, the fat guy from earlier, another dude named Hack, turns out archaeologists can fight, and Jeet who really likes licking metal.

Ref: GO!

Bellamy: Who to kill first?

Boom!

Bellamy: Looks like someone's stealing my moment!

Elizabello: Alright nobody move! This here's a fixing! Dagama, waste bouncy boy first!

Bellamy: These guys are trying to fix a fight? Why am I so surpised?

Bartolomeo: Funny how a battling royal ruined a battle royale.

Dagama: You mad?