User blog comment:Black Leg Sanji/BLS- Chapter 686 Prediction/@comment-5619982-20121019184229

Hello BLS,

I truly admire you. I enjoy your writting and thank you, for all the good work you've done until now and for all your future predictions. Actually, you divide by 2 the waiting for Oda Sensei's next chapter.

From now on, if you don't mind, I'll judge and criticise your predictions.

In order to be accurate, I'll ask you a few questions: What's your goal by writting these? Are you satisfied by them? Do you want to improve? Do you want to make them look like Oda Sensei's next chapter or just the best possible? Do you make them in regard to make following chapters, a following history? Do you make a name? (even if only in your mind)

For my jugement, I won't put you always a 10/10 because it's really good. Let's say

9 means it worths the best chapter of Oda Sensei,

7, his average chapter,

6, this chapter

5, your average chapter,

3, the badest prediction I could read from you

2, the badest sentence I wrote when I was 2 years old (I was already able to write at 15 monts)

0, shit. (yes, the badest sentence I wrote when I was 2 years old was better than shit)

I think this one is really good. In general, you had a lot of good ideas, and this fight is really interesting, especially the skills of both side. Robin's and Chopper's comments also are realy good

PG 1

PG 2
 * Monet:*flies back and smiles at Zoro*
 * Zoro:*dashes at her and x slashes at her*
 * Monet:*flies up to avoid him*
 * Zoro:*looks up and blocks a slash from her ice swords*

PG 3
 * Monet: fufufu. You realy think you can handle me "Pirate Hunter"? // Oda Sensei showed us in chapter 683 that Monet doesn't overestimate herself/underestimate her opponent, that she's modest. Without the "realy", the sentence is plausible, it'd just be amusement and curiosity, but this word tells us that she think she's above Zoro.
 * Zoro:*pushes her back* Yep! *appears above her and slashes down with both swords* Ultra Otoro!!
 * Monet:*tries to block but her wings are cut off as she crashes to the ground*
 * Nami: Did he do it?
 * Monet:*burst up with snow*

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 4
 * Monet:*grins at Zoro as her wings reform themselves* So you can use haki? As expected. // As Ceasar's secretary, she semed to have a great source of information or to know a lot about… everything, that's why it's a good thing she's not surprised by Zoro's haki. However, if you make it implied, the result is the same, we don't have this impression that she is boasting and we don't have the impression you take your readers for idiots: it's 'the boasting-characterization + an off voice "She expected that Zoro could use haki". You can implie it if you just don't make her react to the fact that Zoro has haki. That way, without noticing it, we'll have the impression she knows who she's dealing with. I think it'd be better if you don't make her speak, for this reason, but also because this sentence slows the action.'
 * Zoro:*glares* ....
 * Monet:*closes her wings and looks at him* I better go all out or else I'll die. Snow Hunt. *she vanishes in a burst of snow. //This sentence is realy good. You've listened what I said for the PG2.
 * Zoro:!!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 5
 * Monet:*hovers above him shadowed*
 * Zoro:*jumps away from falling icicles raining down*
 * Monet:*giggles and kicks at Zoro with her talons*
 * Zoro:*blocks the shadowed strike without turning his head*
 * Nami:*looks around* where is she?!
 * Robin:*holding her shoulder* everywhere. // Realy good. It's realy "Robin-like". With this sentence, you meet the expectations of your readers. We expect the characters to do a few things they always do. If they do, we're glad because we recognize them through these things. It's like when you go to a meeting: it's always better to dress yourself like the others think you have to dress yourself.
 * Nami: huh? // You could make her more scared. For exemple, "Taking her climat tact, she throws herself to the ground, trying to excape to Robin's hand, like if it was Monet's. There is a little dark cloud between her and Robin."(=Nami's reflexe self defense) I can't write as wel as you, but that's the idea.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 6
 * Zoro:*blocks a barrage of strikes coming from all directions with his 2 sword style*
 * Monet:*smiles while still shadowed*
 * Chopper: I can't see her, but I can smell her. Why?
 * Robin: this is what makes the Snow-Snow fruit deadly. It's not as destructive as most Logia abilities, but....
 * Monet: *grabs Zoro by his arms*
 * Zoro:!!!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 7
 * Monet:* throws him to a wall*
 * Chopper: Zoro!!
 * Robin: Its true power deals in assasination.
 * Monet:*stands infront of Zoro shadowed, then reveals herself* Give up yet?
 * Zoro:*stands up and looks at her bored* Why? Because of some little cold?
 * Monet:*shadows herself again* Still heated for battle huh? I can change that. Fufufu.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 8
 * Tashigi:*looks back while running* Where is "Black Leg"?
 * Marine: He's still kicking people up to the front!!
 * Sanji:*kicks some more marines* Hurry up damn it!!
 * Shinokuni:*appears a foot away from Sanji*
 * Sanji:!!!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 9
 * Marines: Bro!!!
 * Sanji:*uses Sky Walk to escape above their heads* Stop calling for me damn it!! Just keep running!!!
 * Marines:*run away*
 * Sanji:*thinks to himself* This gas is getting annoying. It'll fill up the whole building in no time. I need to make an actual plan and fast.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 10
 * Law:*is about to be hit by one of Vergo's blowdarts* Shambles *swaps out with a pipe and avoids the explosion* // In the previous chapter, the fight wasn't in that state: Vergo was just being hit by Smoker, so I think he'd first deal with him, especially as Law remained passive during the last chapters. Vergo would not attack Law, right now.
 * Vergo:*blocks another strike from Smoker's jutte without looking*
 * Smoker:*is kicked in the gut and crashes to the railing*
 * Vergo:*appears infront of him to attack with a blowdart*
 * Smoker:!!!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 11
 * Law:*touches his back and zaps him* Counter Shock // Sin<span style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">ds he  remained passive during the precedent chapters, after recovering his mind in the last chapter, I think he'd make a (surprise) attack apparition.
 * Vergo:*is zapped and misfires upward*
 * Law:!!!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 12
 * Vergo:*grabs his head and slams his head to the ground*
 * Smoker:*haki punches him in the face*
 * Vergo:*crashes into the railing and gets up*
 * Law:*gets up to one knee* damn.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 13
 * Zoro:*pants* *pants*
 * Monet:*strikes infront of him*
 * Zoro:*deflects her kick and dashes at her with his swords sheathed but holding them* Two-Sword Style Iai.....
 * Monet:!!!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">'''// I think this is your biggest mistake in this prediction chapter: a chapter is a unit of time. The problem is to describe several scenes happening in different places at the same moment. To do it, we just make one scene after the order, but you must make it clear. By describing Zoro's scene (ZS), changing scene, and coming back to ZS, you destroy the unit of the chapter: everything that happens between the two of ZS are supposed to happen at the same time of one of ZS (the first one because it's the main event of this chapter). But it seems somethings happened in Zoro's and Monet's fight between the two described ZS.'''

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">Time 1: ZS1, Sanji's side and Vergo's side

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">'''Time 2: ZS: ???, Sanji:??? ,…'''

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">Time 3: ZS2

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">Resust: the readers lack chronological benchmarks.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">In place of this scene, you could 

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">'''- Devellop Sanji's or Vergo's side further. '''

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">- Tell '''what's happening on Brook's side. This is not essential because you can also hide what's happening there, and come back two chapters later, with some changements, and do a flash back at that time. Oda Sensei did it in the Fisman Island arc with Jimbe's plan to make the Strawhats Pirates the heroes of FI: He makes the surprise of the SP apparition, with an outsider's point of view, and after, he explains the plan with a flash back. But I don't now is this is a good idea here. It depends what you try to do: to do like if it was Oda Sensei's chapter and plan the following like if there was one or to make this chapter the best possible, not the next following.'''

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">'''In short, it's a bad idea to make different units fo time in the same chapter. Oda Sensei never does. Oda Sensei is everybody's reference.'''

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">So if you really wanted to finish the fight in this chapter, i'd have make it in one time.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">'''However, it's also better to leave unfinished fights: that make us want badly to read the next chapter. We want to know what's happening next.'''

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 14
 * Zoro:*appears behind her with his swords still being sheathed* Rashomon Gekken!! //Nice idea. Were you inspired by Fairy Tail's 280th chapter?
 * Monet:*appears cut and passes out while her and Zoro are in a Moses water divide picture, but with SNOW!!*

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 15
 * Caesar: MONET WAS BEAT?!!!!
 * Monet:*knocked out*
 * Zoro:*epic panel* Like i said, just a little snow.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 16
 * Tashigi/Marines:*runs into the room* The gas is coming!!!
 * Zoro's group:!!!
 * Time estimated for B Block to be filled with Shinokuni gas: 15 minutes. //This sentence is realy good. You've listened what I said for the PG13.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">PG 17
 * Caesar:*sees an explosion from where his subordnites are standing* huh?! Now what?
 * CC men:*some fly away*
 * ???: You lay there and rest Momo.
 * ???:Im not ti- *sleeps*
 * Caesar: You again?!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">END '''// This is the baddest idea you had in this prediction chapter. It'd be much better if you hadn't done that.'''
 * Luffy:*holds his hat on his head as it overshadows his eyes* // I'd put this on the previous page and make Luffy say an epic sentense with a dubble page here, or even begin with a blow on Caesar, like Oda Sensei did for every fight against Luffy and Caesar
 * Momonosuke:*sleeps at his feet*
 * Caesar:"STAWHAT" LUFFY!!!!

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">What do you think of it?

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">I'm expecting a 7 for your next prediction. Keep up with this good work and thank you, one more time: I realy enjoyed it.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:0.4em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0.5em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;">(I'm sorry for my english. I still make a lot of mistakes.)