User blog:DancePowderer/Fighting Zeo with the Emergency Rations

This is another of my fight predictions. I will admit, this has a noticeably more humorous edge to it than my previous two. Also, the references might be a bit obscure or out there. Either way, enjoy.

Everyone is on board Megalo having just arrived at the north central entrance to the Sea Forest.

Shirahoshi: Wow, so this is it. I wonder where my mom’s-

???: Just because I lack a catchphrase doesn’t mean I’m not equally as powerful if not more so!

Luffy: Who’s that?

Hatchan: That’s Zeo, one of the New Fishman Pirate officers!

Luffy: Ok, I guess I might as well take care of him. I’ll meet you-

Chopper: Luffy, wait! Let Sanji fight!

Sanji: Huh? Why me? If Luffy wants to fight him, then let him.

Luffy: Actually I can’t. I promised to be Shirahoshi’s bodyguard.

Chopper: Please, Sanji! We’re counting on you! The princess is counting on you!

Sanji (Eyes now hearts): Well, if it’s for a lady, then it’s my civic duty as a pirate to fight other pirates.

Sanji jumps down from Megalo and confronts Zeo. Megalo stops a little further up so the others can watch to make sure Sanji can handle himself.

Zeo: So you’re my opponent, eh, goldilocks?

Luffy (whispers): Hey, Chopper, why did you want Sanji to fight and not me?

Chopper: For medical purposes. If I’m correct, the adrenalin rush and the rise he gets in his testosterone levels from this fight should prove beneficial to his condition.

Luffy: Oh, Chopper, always looking out for people’s wellbeing.

Chopper: Well, awwwe, you don’t mean that, you ass-

At this point, Luffy gives Chopper a pat on the back, but does it so aggressively that he knocks the reindeer from Megalo’s back, and onto the ground.

Chopper: Hoooooooooooole!

Zeo (looks up): That’s the princess, but I thought Decken went to get her. I’d better bring her back. She’d make a great bartering chip for us.

Zeo begins to run toward Megalo.

Luffy: Uh-oh. (slaps Megalo). Go shark go!

Megalo quickly swims away

Chopper: Damn you, Luffy!

Zeo: Ah, I see you know of my reputation as the strongest of the officers. It was wise of your captain to send two fighters.

Sanji (notices Chopper fell off): I don’t need help, so the two of us will beat you twice as fast.

Chopper (walks over to Sanji): I guess I might as well help.

Zeo (waves his arm): Shark Claw!

He launches four shockwaves at Sanji and Chopper. The two jump out of the way. The slashes keep going and hit a rock a ways behind them, making it burst apart.

Sanji: Hey, Chopper. What say we make shark fin soup out of this guy relatively quickly.

Chopper: Sounds good, delicious even.

Sanji: Mouton Shot!

Zeo is kicked and sent flying toward Chopper.

Chopper: Heavy Gong!

Zeo is knocked back, but doesn’t fall over at all. He stays completely on his feet, and seems completely unfazed by the attacks.

Sanji: How come he doesn’t look hurt?

Zeo: Zohohoho, one thing that makes my specific species unique is an abnormal bone density. My bones are much more flexible than the average fishman’s. The flexible bone tissue acts as a cushion to blunt attacks. I have to say though, good job on hitting me that far.

Sanji: Chopper, if you had to pick a weak point on a guy like this, where would it be?

Chopper: I think that if we attack him from in front and behind at the same time, the impact with his stomach should react to the impact with his spine.

Sanji: Got it, I’ll take him from the back.

They run toward him.

Chopper (eats a Rumble Ball): Arm Point: Kokutei Roseo!

Sanji: Pied de Purer!

Zeo: Too easy.

He jumps high into the air, making Chopper and Sanji’s attacks connect with each other.

Zeo (comes down): Really guys, as Straw Hats, I expected better from you. Come on now.

Chopper (Dizzy): Sanji…What was that?

Sanji (rubbing his chest): A bad call.

Zeo (giving them no time to recover) dashes toward them.

Zeo: I’ve got you now, you foolish humans!

Sanji: Just give us two seconds.

He holds out two fingers while saying this. Little did he know that he had them pointed right at Zeo, and his fingers hit the fishman in the eyes.

Zeo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! OWWWWW! What the hell was that for?

Sanji: Sorry. I only held them up in the direction I heard your voice. Blame yourself for being so fast.

Chopper: So, fishmens’ eyes are susceptible weak points. (He gets out a notebook and writes this down).

Sanji: That’s the same case for everyone!

Chopper: Sanji, hold him off for a while I figure out a strategy. Brain Boost!

Sanji: If it’s the doc’s orders, alright then. Just don’t calculate his eyes into your plan!

Zeo: This should be fun.

Sanji: Likewise. Cuilliere Shoot!

Zeo: Autumn leaves catching dew in the misty morning!

(He raises his arm and blocks Sanji’s kick with the back of his hand)

Sanji (rebounding from the attack): Ah, the poetic type, huh?

Zeo: It’s a hobby. And so is this, Air Piano: In the Hall of the Mountain King!

He begins stabbing at Sanji randomly with his talon-like fingers. (If a piano were placed properly in front of him, his finger movements would make it appear as though he were playing In the Hall of the Mountain King by Edvard Grieg).

Sanji: Côtelette!

Zeo: Whatever (brushes him aside)

Sanji: Sélle!

His kick connects with Zeo’s back. Much to Sanji’s surprise, his kick actually did some damage as he felt Zeo groan in pain.

Sanji: Chopper: I think he has specific nerve endings in his spinal column that make him susceptible to blunt attacks when hit!

Zeo: Why you little…!

Chopper: Hey Zeo! What do you call a playground for the most commonly used chess piece that is preceded by Hoof Point!?

Zeo: What?

Chopper: Hoof Point: Pawn Yard!!

Chopper aims for where he thinks a nerve ending is, but does not quite hit it completely, leaving Zeo much less damaged than he could have been.

Sanji (sarcastically): Was that your plan? Great aiming, dead-eye!

Zeo: For those who don’t understand, allow me to explain. Chopper’s Pawn Yard technique is a pun on the singular imperative of the French verb poignarde, coming from poignarder, which means to stab.

Chopper: No talking directly to the reader!

Zeo: Well, you weren’t going to explain it. Are you as accurate with your surgical skills as you are with your aim?

Chopper: C’mon, that’s just low…Sanji, stop dragging your feet and help me out over here!

Sanji: Stop telling me what to do. A lot of the plants around here have a lot of practical uses. I bet I could find some good herbs and you could find some good medicinal plants. One of the plants I found while you were arguing secretes this sap that makes a pretty good glue, completely inedible though.

Chopper: Sanji, what does that have to do with our situation?

Sanji: Just talking out loud as I put my plan together. Now it’s Chopper’s turn to stall him while I prepare something.

Chopper: Fair enough. Horn Leg Point: Roseo Colonnade Vitesse!

Chopper plows head first into Zeo at astounding speed, catching him in his horns. He then throws him high into the air.

Chopper: Too bad Robin isn’t here. This would be somewhat easier. Jumping Point!

He follows Zeo into the air.

Chopper (while doing a flip): Air Drop: Express Landing!

Chopper’s heel connects perfectly with the back of Zeo’s head where the spine enters the head near the brain. As he expected, there was a nerve ending there and Zeo felt it. There was a cloud of dust as Zeo hit the ground.

Zeo (getting up slowly as the dust clears): How many times do I have to tell you? You can’t hurt me with those attacks! Sure, you found my some of my weak spots, but all that will do is give me a head ache in the morning which will be gone in no time, maybe a bit of a sore back. You guys are nothing.

Sanji: Pied Coupe: Épaule à Sélle!

Sanji flies into Zeo’s back, somehow cutting him with his shoe, creating a long, deep, clean gash along Zeo’s back. Zeo falls over.

Zeo: How did you hurt me?

Sanji: A sharp mind, creates an even sharper body.

Zeo: Damn you, Black Leg…Cotton Candy Lover… (passes out).

Chopper: Sanji…how did you do that?

Sanji: With this.

He lifts up his shoe, showing various bits of a sharp material with a dull sheen.

Sanji: That’s obsidian. It’s a type of volcanic glass. Since this place isn’t too far from that volcano region we crossed, I figured we’d find some here. I really was dragging my feet like you said. I was sharpening these bits of obsidian into blades. Robin told me that obsidian blades can be as much as thirty times sharper than a surgeon’s scalpel. I figured if blunt attacks didn’t work, why not try sharp attacks? That sticky plant glue I found is what I used to keep them in place, see the dull yellow coating on the bottom?

Chopper: Wow, Sanji. I had no idea! That’s amazing! Can you show me how to make those blades? Those obsidian blades could help me improve my instruments!

Sanji: Sure, Chopper. But we have to catch up with Luffy too, so let’s get going. I’m sure we’ll find pieces along the way.

And the two set off to find their friends, picking up obsidian shards along the way.