User blog comment:Dettles/The First Generation Part 1/@comment-1595565-20130715212014

"Standing right in front of him are thirty veteran soldiers laying on the ground." Teehee, word play. Anyway, not bad. My only complaint would be you're spreading yourself a little too wide in terms of all the people you're focusing on. I find it helps to focus on only a few at a time and save the rest for later rather than try to cram everything in at once.