User blog comment:Fliu/One Piece Chapters 815 and 816 Abridged Parody/@comment-1595565-20160212041529

Not bad for a first attempt. It could be better. Try to be less wordy and more blunt with the dialogue. Make it flow more naturally. It sounds too much like narrative the way you wrote it. The first few bits in 816 were pretty good. I liked the one job and Garfield parts. With parodies, it's best to try to point out the natural comedy below the surface. For instance, the mink tribe getting their butts trounced could be seen as one big animal cruelty joke, so PETA or WWF (wildlife, not wrestling) references could work there. You have potential here, so don't give up, but try different approaches.