User blog:Fliu/One Piece Chapters 815 and 816 Abridged Parody

Chapter 815

Nami: Sanji is from a family of assassins?! What a twist!

Pekoms: Heard of Germa 66? It might be very important for the plot later on.

Nami: even though I should know by now that there are truths to myths, I'm going to question the existence of the organization anyway.

Pekoms: it does exist. The boss is Black Leg’s father and…

Luffy: blah, blah, blah, don’t care about that. Just know that if Sanji marries, Big Mom should be working under me, not the other way around!

Pekoms: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!!!!! Do I need to remind you that my captain is one big mean momma! I’ll explain in a way that even an idiot like you will understand. Black Leg can’t escape this wedding. If he refused, he will receive a nasty present in a form of a decapitated head of someone close to him. It could be from the Straw Hats, the restaurant from East Blue, or even from the okama kingdom.

Luffy: I’m going to ask this anyway, but how do you know so much about Sanji?

Pekoms: come on, Momma formed her own territories. You don’t think we have something like connections or friends in high places? I’ll make this crystal clear that the threat Momma posed is as big as her head if not greater. In other words, her word is law. The bright side is that you won’t actually have to serve under Momma, but Black Leg won’t be a part of your crew once the marriage is complete.

Luffy: LIKE HELL THAT’LL HAPPEN!!!! TELL ME HOW TO STOP THE WEDDING!!!!

Pekoms: I’m afraid I can’t do that. If you were to charge in, even you should be smart enough to know that it won’t go smoothly. What I will say that once I’m recovered, I’m going back. I have a score to settle with that punk, Bege.

Luffy: Nami! I have a plan! With Pekomamushi’s help, I’m going to sneak into the tea party. I have to go alone on this one because I don’t want to risk starting a war. You see! I’m actually thinking!

Pekoms: Hold on! I didn’t agree to any of this!

Luffy: Not listening! I’m going to go get Chopper!

Pekoms: ow! My insides hurt!

Luffy runs outside and sees Zoro.

Luffy: Hey Zoro, I know you’re worried about Sanji. Come on, don’t deny it.

Zoro: Shut up! The nosebleed cook can die for all I care!

Nekomamaushi: Hello Straw Hat! Even though I’m badly injured, I wanted to meet you!

Chopper: You’re supposed to be in bed!!!!

Nekomamushi: Don’t feel like sleeping. It’s my body, I’ll do whatever I want with it so I’ll keep ignoring all of your instructions. Hey Straw Hat! GREETING BODY SLAM!!! Ow!!! I injured myself again! How careless!

Chopper: You’re making me waste medical supplies!

Law: Hey Straw Hat-ya! Even though you should have already seen them, I’m going to introduce them anyway.

Heart Pirates: CHECK OUT OUR COOL POSES!!!!!!

Law: never mind them, we have something we need to talk about.

Heart Pirates: ARE YOU IGNORING US?!!!!!

A while later…

Law: Black leg-ya went to Big Mom!!! This made things even more complicating than they should have!!!

Luffy: Don’t worry, I’ll get Sanji back! Until then, don’t fight Kaido.

Law: Kaido may be coming after us as we speak! If he finds us here, this country will be doomed!

Nekomamushi: How about we forget about all of our worries! LET’S PARTY!!!!

Luffy: even though we already had one, but hey, I’m good with that!

Outside of Zou’s gate…

Brook: ok, it’s up to us to stop Kin’emon and Kanjuro if they reach here.

Robin: there’s no telling when they’ll show up. We must be vigilant.

Franky: until they get here, we must not fall asleep!

The next morning…

Kanjuro: alright! We finally made it, thanks to another one of my badly-drawn creations!

Kin’emon: Sir Ete, we’re searching for this he-who-must-not-be-said ninja named Raizo. Know where he is?

Monkey runs away and they chased after him. Oh look, Franky, Robin, and Brook fell asleep. Big huge fail on their part.

Bariete: Samurais are here! I got to advance the plot!

Chapter 816

Franky: Dammit! We had one job! ONE JOB!!!

Robin: I can’t believe that we of all people actually screwed this up. The tiger looks cute though.

Brook: Hurry! There’s still a chance to prevent the plot from taking a turn for the worst!

Bariete: Hello everyone! There are samurais here! Hurry up and come here!

On the way to Kurau City…

Momonosuke: Hey father! Kanjuro! Guess who finally showed up after all this time?

Kin’emon: alright! Now that we’re all together, let’s go meet the Mink Tribe!

At the Whale Forest…

Nami: I'm surprised that they didn’t stopped them! Especially Robin, it’s not like her to mess up like this!

At Kurau City…

Kin’emon: looks like we made it.

Straw Hats: intercepted them just in time!

Usopp: listen! Don’t let them see you under any circumstances!

Meanwhile, after Inuarashi and Nekomamushi meet…

Inuarashi: well if it isn’t Garfield! Now that we’re here face-to-face and not fighting a common enemy, I want to exchange insults!

Nekomamushi: a cat versus dog quarrel eh?! Sounds cliché, but I’ll go with it since I hate you too!

A short moment later…

Inuarashi: ENOUGH TALK!!! LET’S HAVE A DEATH BATTLE!!!

Nekomamushi: BRING IT ON!!!

Kin’emon: a fight’s going on?! I must intervene!

Usopp: NOOOOO!!!

Kin’emon: Hello! I’m a samurai from Wano and I’m here looking for Raizo!

Usopp and Chopper: Oh no! Looks like our fears are going to come true!

The Mink Tribe kneels to the samurais.

Inuarashi: We’ve been waiting for you. Raizo is safe.

Straw Hats: THAT’S NOT THE REACTION WE WERE EXPECTING!!!!!

Nekomamushi: sorry, guess we should have told you that we knew about Raizo all along.

Straw Hats: YOU MEAN WE’VE BEEN WORRYING OVER NOTHING!!!!

Luffy: ok, now that’s out of the way, I have a wedding to crash. I’m not about to lose my cook!