User blog:Uknownada/Aokiji Vs. Akainu Abridged, Part 1

Day 1

On a ship at sea, because it could be on land.

The Bow

Sengoku: Are you sure I cannot talk you out of this?

Aokiji: *snore*

Sengoku: AOKIJI!

Aokiji: Huh, what? Oh yeah, I wanna do this for my own pride. Thanks for the other stuff, though.

Sengoku: You know, normally I'd say you're crazy and stupid for even thinking of this kind of thing..

Aokiji: Well, if Akainu's doing it too then I guess I'm just as insane as he is.

The Stern

Kong: You know you're crazy for going through with this

Akainu: Hell no, he's the crazy one. There's no way he could defeat someone like me. It's magma vs. ice, who the hell would think ice could win?

Kong: Well, it seems I can't stop you. Why am I even here?

Soldier: Commander-in-Chief Kong and Admiral Akainu, sirs! We have Punk Hazard in our sights and are expec-

Akainu: What is that idiot doing?!

The Sea, with Aokiji riding to Punk Hazard on his bicycle

Aokiji: That boat ride is so slow...I'm too lazy to wait for it.

The Bow

Sengoku: Why did I suggest that guy...

The Stern

Kong: Apparently he's getting a head start...

Akainu: Fine, let him. He's probably going to sleep when he gets there, anyways.

The Starboard

Kizaru: That looks like fun. I should join in the fight too.

Vergo: No, you're not in this series.

The Port

Soldier 1: I'll bet ya 100 bellies that Akainu'll win.

Soldier 2: Double or nothing!

The Island

Sengoku: Yo, Akainu. Take this. (throws cylinder)

Akainu: Thanks, I'm parched. (reaches for top)

Kong: NO DON'T OPEN IT! Only open it when you've lived through this.

Akainu: Well I'm going to live anyways, so...(reaches for top)

Kong: Not yet!

Akainu: Oh, fine. I suppose I'll save it for later.

Sengoku: Here. (throws another cylinder) Give that to Aokiji, too. The lazy prick left before I could give it to him.

Akainu: Okay. Anything else, mom?

Sengoku: I'm not your mother, watch your mouth.

Akainu: (walking away, chuckling) Sure you aren't.

Sengoku: ...I don't like either of them.

Kong: Hey, you're the one who hired them. Not my problem. Alright, boys! Back to headquarters!

Inside the cage

Akainu: Now, Aokiji...where are you?

Aokiji: *snore*

Akainu: AOKIJI!

Aokiji: ...Akainu?

Akainu: Aokiji, we're alone. Let's do this.

Aokiji: Ah, finally. Got tired of waiting.

Akainu (throwing off his coat): Time to start.

Aokiji (throwing off his coat): Well, I guess it's time to do this.

Both started approaching each other towards the center of the island, both without their coats and already eager to begin. Akainu's hot body runs with a massive explosion behind him, and Aokiji fabulously ice skates in a sparkly trail. They finally meet and immediately begin their wrestling with no love making involved.

Akainu's fist had blocked Aokiji's kick and they jump back.

Akainu: Didn't think you'd make it here, Aokiji. Thought you'd get lost.

Aokiji: I see you haven't destroyed the island yet. Did you finally take those weeks of therapy I suggested?

Akainu: Did you finally learn to shut up?! Inugami Guren!

The magma dog shoots out of Akainu's hand and charges toward Aokiji.

Aokiji: Sword of Veils!

Inugami Guren is just about to get to Aokiji when...

Aokiji: (waving the sword around) Here boy! You want the stick?

Akainu: (laughing) Seriously? What the hell are you trying to do?

The magma dog jumps up and down panting at the sword.

Akainu: ...Are you kidding me?

Aokiji: Go get it, boy! (throwing the sword toward Akainu, the dog chases after it)

Akainu: Whoa what?!

The dog catches the sword but it cooled down, turned to rock, and created a thick haze. Bill Nye would be proud at this sight.

Aokiji: And here lies Inugami Guren, the big red dog. And here lies Sakazuki, the big red admiral with a rock on his head.

Aokiji kicks the rock, now frozen on contact, and hits Akainu on his body.

Aokiji: Damn, I missed.

Akainu: Ugh...are you even taking this fight seriously? Dai Funka!

Aokiji: Now, why would you want funk to die?...Oh wait, this is your punch move.

Akainu threw a giant magma punch that Aokiji easily dodged. It fell into the water just off the coast of the island.

Aokiji: You'll have to do better than that.

Akainu: Thanks for the input, I'll write it on your grave!

They finally clash and start throwing punches and kicks in some sort of DBZ-Fist of the North Star style, leaving ice and magma slowly appear behind them. Somehow they have the focus and energy to talk, too. Must be from the style of fighting.

Akainu: Getting tired yet?

Aokiji: RA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA!

Akainu: Wrong anime!

Aokiji: Oh yeah. Sorry, I was dreaming.

Akainu: You're sleeping in the middle of our fight?!

Aokiji: Fine, I'll stay awake! Might knock you out cold, though.

He lands a punch on Akainu's jaw, then jumps back with his hand steaming.

Aokiji: OW, HOT HOT HOT!

Akainu: (spits some blood out) You were always the lazy one, even when we were Vice Admirals. Even when we were Cabin Boys! I don't know how you didn't get kicked out earlier.

Aokiji: Well, I'm not falling asleep again in this fight. I've got one of these!

Aokiji pulls out a red bottle.

Akainu: ...What is that?

Aokiji: It's 5 Hour Energy. It gets me on the go every-

Akainu shoots a magma at the bottle and melts it.

Aokiji: -day...you bastard! Ice Block Partisan!

Akainu: Finally we're back on! Meigo!

The spears pierce his arm and he has to duck to avoid getting hit in the head.

Akainu: My manga didn't work?!

Aokiji: You're on a higher level than I am. You'll need to cool down to stand a chance against me, hot head.

Akainu: Are you mocking me?

Aokiji: If I tell you, could you notice?

Akainu: Shut up! Let's continue!

END OF DAY 1.