User blog comment:Montblanc Noland/Chapter 740 Prediction/@comment-1595565-20140303222556

On the whole, not bad. There are just some details that I take issue with. First, why is Sugar suddenly about to fall unconscious? While on that note, you sort of contradicted yourself by having her be scared and then having someone say she doesn't have the mentality of a child. A lot of that part is unclear. Pink and Franky crashing into the factory is too convenient. Why would Senor Pink take Franky on an express trip to the place he is supposed to prevent Franky from reaching? I know Oda has used memory lapse as a schtick before, but come on. I should point out that Oda's characters are only careless when they don't have an immediate responsibility like Trebol's responsibility to protect Sugar or Pink's responsibility to keep the Straw Hats from making it to the factory. The Hakuba toy idea, while a prevalent theory, raises questions in terms of the possibility of execution. Does the contract control a toy's mind or body? Can Hakuba even do anything without a sword? The second personality creates a gray area with Sugar's ability, and I consider that the reason as to why we haven't seen people use it in predictions more frequently. Lastly, I love new characters and abilities as much as the next guy, but this isn't Marineford. We don't need a whole platoon of new characters introduced. Maybe, like 2-3 tops. That being said, not everyone needs a Devil Fruit power. One thing I actually like about Burgess is that he's gotten to where he is seemingly without a fruit. I have far more respect for overpowered characters with natural abilities than I do for demi-gods with fruit-based powers. You can avoid these kinds of oversights and excess in the future by checking yourself as you write. Ask yourself "Does this fit in neatly?", "Am I making things happen too fast?", "Does this contradict established dogma?", "Am I using too much plot convenience?" It's the method I use when I write my predictions and I think they're better for it. I can't think of a time when I wrote a prediction where I didn't have source material open in front of me. Anyway, I hope this helped.