User blog:12th Supernova/A Manly Review: Chopper's Kingdom on the Island of Strange Animals

This movie is... well, interesting. It isn't canon, and it's very deliberately not canon - we have Chopper but no Vivi or Robin, which doesn't follow the story, but anyway - and yet I find myself quite liking it.

Despite being the sixth nakama to join (Vivi doesn't count), we hadn't really seen Chopper do much by himself before now. He kept being paired up with nakama numero four, the great Usopp-sama, treated as a naive child - to be fair, he was only something like 14 before timeskip - and never getting a moment to shine. Most of the time, the poor little reindeer looked like this.

http://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag62/stalhein61/c569c08d-17c4-4b53-b6ed-3cd05d90f0dd_zps4c4334bf.jpg

The movie starts, as they always seemed to do, with the Straw Hats after treasure. They turn up at an island ready to pillage and loot, but just before the mass slaughter begins, some jets of water send them into the sky. Why this place never reached Skypeia is a mystery. Anyway, as the vile pirates are blasted by the water, Chopper falls off and lands on the island by himself. The rest of the crew don't care, except that the emergency food supply took their flag; and shortly after landing they find some talking animals who tell them there's virtually no humans on the island. Less slaughter, more looting.

Meanwhile, little lonely Chopper finds himself accidentally killing the previous mystical king of the animals and being crowned the new king - look, just because we didn't see it happen doesn't mean it didn't happen, and that reindeer is crafty - for no apparent reason other than he can speak the human language. Despite there being a nine year old kid there who can also speak the human language, who has lived there for years. These animals aren't the brightest. Chopper-sama (he's a king now, you hear me?) gets some fancy clothes, a stupid hat ornament, and all the stupid animals to rule over, but he still feels he has to return to the Straw Hats, if only to slaughter them for all the bad screen time he keeps getting.

Meanwhile, the fiendish pirate scum are exploring the island in the hopes of killing innocent creatures to eat them, when they're attacked by 15 ton armoured... sheep?

. *throws script in the air* Who wrote this? Sheep? Really? Since when are sheep scary? This is the closest any sheep has ever become to being scary in this series.

http://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag62/stalhein61/a66291dd-11d2-4ce4-b8ec-03561b307dc9_zps7bc27970.jpg

Anyway, these..... sheep.... are controlled by a cheery chappy named Butler, who seems to be better at the violin that Brook was. He gets his minions Steroid Man and Sword Guy From The Last Film Redesigned to cut off the horns of the animals, before he eats them. Yes, he eats the horns. Yes, there is a reason, if you'll let me finish. Apparently the old king of the animals (the one Chopper-sama.... deposed) had some magical powers in his horns - why a lion had horns is never explained - and while Butler knows it's the horns that are the key, he doesn't know which horns. So he just eats as many as he can get hold of. Logic, right there.

The five Straw Hats wander along to this nutter, and after a bit of banter, a bit of setting up who'll fight who, and a bit of usual antagonist dumbassery, they part ways. Move along. Nothing to read here. Defintely no more attack by sheep.

Luffy finally snaps and orders the crew to find and kill their doctor, so they capture and tortue a bird until he takes them to his leader, the great Chopper-sama. Butler and his cretins follow, because if there's anything that makes the audience forget the antagonist has lived on this island for years and not found the animal king's lair, it's following.

The crew reunites, the kid explains that his dad was killed by pirates pillaging and looting a while ago, the usual sob story stuff. Nami asks about the treasure (at least someone remembers why they came here, even if all the good loot is gone and all the good pillaging has been done), and as if by chance the bad people happen to turn up to steal the horns. Chopper-sama lies and says he's the one they're after, before running away and getting the.... sheep.... to follow him in a selfless act of cowardice.

The animals work out that Chopper-sama may be a pirate and suggest voting for a new king, completely misunderstanding the difference between monarchies and democracies, while the kid gets an unwelcome attack of conscience that the film really could have done without. The Straw Hats chase after Chopper (no sama any more) as he's being attacked by Butler and his minions, The kid - what's his name, Mobambi or something? - decides to try and save Chopper's life, so that there's at least somebody more pathetic than him on the island, and rips the magic horns out of the old king's head. Pandaman is seen among the animals for a few seconds, although that might just be 3 days of sleep deprivation kicking in.

Let's see.... Usopp and Nami trap the.... sheep.... with some rocks. The mortal enemy of the sheep, apparently. Zoro fights Steriod Man, Sanji fights Sword Guy From The Last Film Redesigned - honestly, Oda, I know you don't write this, but you must have some say in rejecting the stupid ideas. Butler keeps attacking Chopper, who looked to be getting some decent screen time for once, but Luffy jumps in in the nick of time and saves him from falling into lava, because no mountain fight is complete without lava (looking at you, Zephyr).

http://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag62/stalhein61/6491356a-7b5a-4b0d-bb24-0a2700b9c516_zps1050ea7a.jpg

Alright, not the best picture, but there were like 18 to choose from, and that was the only pic I didn't have to shrink. Moving on! Mobambi gives Butler the magical horns in exchange for not killing Chopper, because if there's anything villains are renowned for it's keeping promises to small children of people they killed before - oh yeah, Butler was the pirate who orphaned the brat. Nobody cares.

I forgot to mention earlier - Sterioid Man fights Zoro with kicks "that can break steel", and Sword Guy from Film 2 Redesigned fights Sanji with a whip sword thing. Zoro gets chained up (calm yourselves, fangirls) and Steroid Man kicks him in the chains like a moron, depriving himself of a weapon before Zoro oneshots him. Sanji gets beaten up but doesn't quite get stabbed enough, and kicks Sword Guy From The Last Film Redesigned into pulp.

Oh yeah - the main bad guy. Butler eats the magic horns, gets magic powers, looks slightly more impressive. The brat says "You killed my father", bad guy says "I am your father" - or is that another story I'm thinking of.... Hmm. Luffy gets annoyed for stealing the treasure so he can't have it, fight ensues, Luffy appears to lose by falling off a cliff. Chopper sees his moment to shine, but before he really gets into it, the idiot reappears with the animals who weren't mutilated earlier. Luffy applies Internet Rule 23 to bad guy after he gets naked for some reason (Butler, not Luffy), and then he flies off into the sunset.

The Straw Hats work out there's no treasure to be looted any more, and leave without so much as a casual murder. Most unusual for pirates. The animals tell Chopper to leave so they can get the 9 year old to be king after all.

And the review is complete! Let me know what you think about my paltry work in the comments, and if you have any ideas about what the new and simplified code might be feel free to rant about your theories. I will say - those of you who worked out the first code may have better luck here, but I'm not infalliable, and I may edit certain bits of this blog if I think I've made a mistake. Expect a Manly Review of Film 4 some time whenever.