User:Captain Groinache

Sup. I've been ghost-editing this wiki for a couple of years now, more seriously for the last one, and a conversion with an editor persuaded me to make a profile. So here I am, in all my erogenously-accomplised glory. I mostly edit and produce long summaries and play around with descriptions, and smiting redundancy and verbiage wherever they rear their foul mugs. If I ever tread on your toes, feel free to talk about it, I'm open-minded.

If the World Government never made a mistake in assessing a Pirate's Danger . ..
All of which basically requires the WG to be as acutely aware of the raw danger and power of the Straw Hat pirates as we ourselves are.
 * Monkey D. Luffy would have a bounty of 500,000,000
 * Roronoa Zoro would have a bounty of 425,000,000
 * Nami would have a bounty of 80,000,000
 * Usopp would have a bounty of 110,000,000
 * Sanji would have a bounty of 375,000,000
 * Tony Tony Chopper would have a bounty of 140,000,000
 * Nico Robin would have a bounty of 400,000,000
 * Battle Franky 37 would have a bounty of 270,000,000
 * Battle Franky 38 would have a bounty of 300,000,000
 * Brook would have a bounty of 280,000,000
 * The Thousand Sunny would have a bounty of 460,000,000
 * The entire crew of the Straw Hat pirates would thusly be worth 3,340,000,000
 * The discrepency between this and the crew's official total bounty is 2539,000,050, more than three times the otb of 800,000,050

On a similar note:
 * As of the Baroque Works saga, Crocodile would have a bounty of 240,000,000
 * As of the Skypiea saga, Enel would (if an active pirate) have a bounty of 500,000,000
 * As of the CP9 saga, Rob Lucci would (if an active pirate) have a bounty of 215,000,000
 * As of the Whitebeard War saga, Gekko Moriah would have a bounty of 205,000,000
 * Counting a small squad of decent qualities zombies as a personal accesory to his might rather than individual warriors themselves, this bounty raises to 240,000,000
 * As of the Enter the New World saga, Hody Jones would have a bounty of 140,000,000
 * With a limited supply of ES, this bounty raises to 210,000,000
 * With a solid supply of ES, this bounty raises to 280,000,000
 * With a bounteous supply of ES - enough to binge on - this bounty raises to 350,000,000
 * ​As of the Pirate Alliance saga, Donquixote Doflamingo should have a bounty of 600,000,000

And that's right! It's time for. ..

Another theoretical set of bounties! *BUMPER COLOSSEUM EDITION*
If the following individuals were deemed threats worthy of a bounty by the government, and they made a perfectly accurate assessment of the threat they posed. ..


 * Don Chinjao would have a bounty of 485,000,000
 * Elizabello II would have a bounty of 330,000,000
 * Sai would have a bounty of 275,000,000
 * Ideo would have a bounty of 270,000,000
 * Blue Gilly would have a bounty of 260,000,000
 * Hajrudin would have a bounty of 200,000,000
 * The combined Funk Bros would have a bounty of 185,000,000
 * Jean Ango would have a bounty of 165,000,000
 * Boo would have a bounty of 140,000,000
 * Tank Lepanto would have a bounty of 95,000,000
 * Abdullah would have a bounty of 65,000,000
 * Jeet would have a bounty of 65,000,000
 * Kelly Funk would have a bounty of 55,000,000
 * Bobby Funk would have a bounty of 20,000,000

Characters I'm fond of

 * All of them

No seriously, characters whose physical designs are great in my bitter old eyes

 * Absalom
 * Young Gecko Moriah
 * Blue Gilly
 * Basil Hawkins
 * Arlong
 * Uber Hody
 * Eddie Newgate
 * Silvers Rayleigh
 * Elisabello II
 * Jabra
 * Eustass Kidd
 * Killer

Other things that I like

 * Warhammer 40K (for all it's limitations, and the saturday morning villainy of it's owner Games Workshop, it is  a fantastic setting, and if you do a *lot* of homebrewing the game's quite fun as well)
 * The Legend of Zelda (my first fantastical love; even if you largely grow out of something like it, you still have to give it and it's gems your respect. LA, ALttP, WW and MM are special to me. I only wish they'd put in more advanced difficulty settings so that adult players like myself don't get bored)
 * Homestuck (a very flawed, and yet absolutely brilliant, work, that suffered from a godawful shrieking 16-year old girl fanbase for all of 2011-2013. Thank god it's largely over, including the story. I have an entire wiki where I house my observations of its Class and Aspect system)
 * No More Heroes (only two games, but god if they aren't excellent. suda51 cannot deliver less than gold, making both excellent actions games and subtle, astute media commentary)
 * Killer7 (another suda51 and in my eyes his magnum opus, even if it is evidently rushed towards the end. the first thing to ever set my nascent 15-year-old brain to thought on politics and faith, a game that took me many years to truly grasp and which I see a new side of every time I play it. That it's frequently badass is just gravy)
 * Shadow of the Colossus (a love letter to minimalism, tragedy and the interaction of pagan and monotheistic belief, all told through the systematic conquest and slaughter of giant stone monsters. What more can one ask for?)